You're more likely to have a more productive dialogue instead of a full blowout argument when you just listen. The reality is that most of us recycle arguments and can almost exactly predict how our partner is going to respond, as if the discussion has been scripted.
If you want to fight better, change what you say—and how you say it. Batterson agrees, "It's a good thing for people to recognize their 'dialogue demons' so they can re-frame the argument, label it, and approach it differently. Instead of pointing the finger at the other person, they can ask themselves how they're contributing to the argument and try a new approach. A lot of couples might keep it to themselves when they're mad at each other because they're scared of starting potentially relationship-threatening arguments.
But a recent study found that avoiding these conversations is actually more likely to harm a relationship than help it. The survey asked people in committed relationships about how they handled conflict and how fulfilling and promising their partnerships were.
The results were striking: People who talked through conflicts were 10 times more likely to be happy with their relationships. As for the people who stayed silent, those who blamed their partners for the lack of communication were more likely to be unhappy.
Another key tip for addressing relationship issues effectively? Put yourself in your partner's shoes by brainstorming reasons why a sensible person might behave the way they did. It will help you better understand their actions. It's easy to let your emotions get the best of you, but try as hard as you can not to threaten to break up or get divorced. Regardless of whether you mean it, those words can leave a lasting impact on the person who hears them, and cause them to feel insecure in the relationship long after the fight is over.
If a fight with your partner has ever made you feel physically, emotionally, or psychologically unsafe , that's a major red flag, according to the experts.
Couples fighting is healthy only as long as it stays fair and safe. And if you feel like things have crossed a line, talk to a family therapist, couples counselor, or someone you trust ASAP. These small adjustments can prevent countless fights down the road, Grody says. And of course, during any fight, insults and character assassinations should be avoided at all costs, according to Grody.
Just as people have different love languages , Ostrander says we have different apology languages, too. Contact us at letters time. Live Well. Back To Home. By Carly Breit. Motherhood Is Hard to Get Wrong. Already a print subscriber? Go here to link your subscription. Need help? If folks feel unfulfilled in other aspects of their lives — be it an unstimulating job, a quarterlife crisis, etc. Fighting can break the mundanity of the day-to-day, but it can't provide a real foundation for a couple nor is it beneficial for your mental or physical health to be in yelling fights constantly.
Now, none of this is to say that you should never disagree with your partner. That kind of behavior is also dysfunctional. It is also pretty impossible to never disagree. It is OK to disagree," Martinez tells me.
And there are more effective ways to communicate that don't involve screaming at each other. I asked Koretz and Martinez when a lack of disagreements may signify a lack of communication. Martinez explains that while, yes, it can potentially show that you are "kinda tossing things under the bridge and not really speaking up," it may very well just demonstrate "that two people have figured out how to argue and how to communicate , and they're doing it well.
Koretz agrees. If partners are generally calm people or if they are easygoing, then disagreements may not pop up as frequently. So what are some specific ways that we can communicate more effectively when we argue with a partner?
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